Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
