a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
