oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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