he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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