The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
