True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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