You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Fuck appropriateness.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Your shirt... Was in my pants
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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