Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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