I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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