I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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