that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
How's work?
Spinning.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
