I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
