Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize