Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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