also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
