clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
