do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
