Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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