Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
