You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
