i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Everclear isn't food dammit
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
