I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
