my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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