Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
