She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
