All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
