I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
two words...techno handjob
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
