he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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