i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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