There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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