Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
