My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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