At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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