I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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