Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize