I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
