Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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