She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
