I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
