the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
