it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I am naked and annoyed.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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