ya dads aren't the best wingmen
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
