dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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