I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
