Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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