____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
