Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
