I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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