I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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