Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
