i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
