She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
