I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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