Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
