If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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