I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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