forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
