none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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