are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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