she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
