GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
