Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
me + whiskey = a bad person
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
