Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Let's get the cat blown out
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
