I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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