I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
my poor anus
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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