Only a mothe r could love this liver
I met the friendliest cop last night
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize