i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
