you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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