I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
